13. Dick goes to town

Hi, I'm Richard Everyman but people call me Dick

Patch and I considered what the Eggheads had said about using all the resources available to make our way in the Big Society.  "I think it's time to explore, " I said to him "I mean we've both been through a pretty rough patch Patch, all considered."
After he'd stopped licking his scrotum he gave me his full attention.  "What do you suggest then?"
"I think we should head straight for the city and see what's on offer."
Patch flopped down in his basket with a sigh. "Do you mind if I stay put, I'm all beat up?"
It was true he looked a little tired and so I agreed he should stay at home.  I was however slightly concerned that this could become a habit and I'd be left holding the baby or puppy or whatever the term was when talking about a lazy mutt.

I hopped on the bus...

And so I hopped on the bus and headed for the bright lights.

I was astounded at the price of a one way ticket for a two mile journey.  I politely informed the driver that in the old days £1.80 would have bought me a night out at the Odeon, a bag of fish and chips on the way home and I'd still have change for a bottle of sterilised milk in the morning. He just shrugged his shoulders and jolted the bus forward so that the inertia sent me flying down the centre aisle towards my very expensive seat.  I had not experienced such a G-force since my happier Harrier jet days.  Not bad for a clunky old diesel engine though I thought.

As people got on I could see that the white haired ones weren't putting any money in the slot.  Instead they had some kind of pass which they waved in front of the driver who ignored them before trying out his G-force experiment again to help them to their seats. At the next stop a very attractive young lady in a mini skirt mounted the step.  She smiled and paid her fare.  The driver smiled back and said hello before turning around in his seat to make sure she had found somewhere comfortable to take the weight off her stilettos.  Once she was firmly seated he smiled at her again before moving gently forward and we continued into the city.  Fares had risen but chivalry at least was not dead.

I looked around at my silent fellow travellers and detected a kind of sadness.  They all looked like they wanted to be somewhere else and not on the number 11.  Perhaps they were on a quest for a better life or maybe they were just going shopping? Whatever had caused them to mount this joy-mobile I did not know, but I for one could hardly wait to get off to find out more about the Big Society.

This is Dick Everyman signing out.

12. Dick, the terrorist and a deaf dog

Hi I'm Richard Everyman but people call me Dick.

With their new found brain power the Eggheads kept me awake all night with their excited chatter.  They didn't wake Patch though, being half deaf he had devised a way of sleeping on his good ear to block out any intrusive noises.  In short he was a pretty useless watch dog but his companionship made up for all his other faults.  I switched on the radio and heard something about a massive international terrorist being killed and how the world was now going to be a safer place.  If society had to depend on Patch then they could forget that notion I thought.  But I was intrigued all the same.

I asked the Eggheads about him and they filled me in on all the gory details.  After a good half hour's chat 44 Lupin Drive had never felt so safe and Billy Boulton was a real pussy cat in comparison to the mass murdering terrorist they told me about.  The Eggheads then went on about democracy and freedom and the way in which a thing called 'social media' was uniting people and communities around the world and causing them to challenge their leaders to change society.

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind

They spoke of a man called Mahatma Gandhi who used a campaign of non violence to finally win his country's independence until he was himself assassinated by people who believed in armed struggle.

He once said "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" which made me think about the man they had just killed.  "Social media" said the Eggheads, "lets the world see everything and nothing at the same time..."

I pondered for a while and thought of poor Patch, "Being half deaf," I responded "means you have to listen harder too." 

I thanked the Eggheads for their wisdom and made myself a comforting cup of tea and some toast.  Was this what the Big Society is all about then?  I was confused, it was one thing bringing down governments and fighting tyrants but becoming a volunteer for the Women's Institute was quite another thing in my book unless perhaps they had an armed wing?

This is Dick Everyman signing out...